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Oct 26, 2024

Subaru Baja Turbo, Dodge Coronet, Mitsubishi 3000GT VR-4: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

Happy Friday, folks. It’s so unbelievably Autumn here in New York, with leaves crunching underfoot and the smell of what Google tells me is fungi and bacteria digesting those leaves. It was a nicer

Happy Friday, folks. It’s so unbelievably Autumn here in New York, with leaves crunching underfoot and the smell of what Google tells me is fungi and bacteria digesting those leaves. It was a nicer thought before I knew that, I’ll be honest.

Let’s have some other nice thoughts, shall we? Thoughts of cars to go cruising in through this fall weather, where temperatures are mild and the great outdoors becomes — ever so briefly — a nice place to be. Not too hot, not too cold, just perfect. Not unlike the entries in this week’s Dopest Cars.

Hey, was anyone going to tell me that FTRs are starting to show up under nine grand? When did that start happening? These bikes used to be expensive, gorgeous pieces of art to gawk at as someone far richer than you rode by on one. Now they’re getting attainable?

Sure, I admit, this isn’t the prettiest colorway ever available on the FTR. Blacked-out is just kind of bleh here, as it is on most bikes. You need some accents, some ways to differentiate what’s going on. You need aesthetic choices. Maybe the red bikes will start going for eight grand soon.

The BMW 2002 is one of the better-looking cars the brand has ever put out, full stop. It’s not the all-out best — that may be the original M2, or the E92 M3 — but it’s got such clean lines. It’s not timeless, it’s clearly of its era, but it’s gorgeous in any time.

This particular 2002 looks to be in great shape, with the seller claiming no rust and a Tii engine and drivetrain swap. If you want a 2002, this may well be the one to get. And you do want a 2002.

The turbo Baja is the perfect synthesis of Subaru owners. See, there are two types of Subie buyers: Vermont lesbians and dudebros. One buys Outbacks for the ground clearance and dog-hauling, the other buys WRXes because they want to hear turbo noises but driving in the snow is scawwy :(. The latter group, of course, goes on to blow up their engines in search of the turbo noises that their cars absolutely do not want to make.

The turbo Baja, however, may be the platonic ideal of a Subaru. It has absolutely no reason to exist the way it does, and yet it’s here. It’s here for us, the lesbians who want to hear turbo noises. There are dozens of us! Dozens!

I understand that this is perhaps not the ideal angle at which to shoot a car for an advertisement, but I hope you understand why I chose this shot out of the entire Marketplace listing. This is no ordinary IS300 — it’s an IS300 with a 3UZ-FE V8.

It’s surprising to see a V8 IS that doesn’t use an LS, but here you have it. This car keeps things in the Toyota family, which is important to people who care about things that don’t matter. That’s me, by the way. I care about things that don’t matter, and I like that this Lexus has a Lexus engine under the hood.

Every time I see the MR-2 SW20, I like the look of it even more than the last. Admittedly, this one has the yellow fog lights that I always adore, but there’s more than just that here. The smooth lines, the open-air roof, the subtle wing out back — it all just works.

This SW20 may be lacking the turbo that so many of its more sought-after brethren carry, but that means it’s also lacking a digit on the price tag. That feels like a worthy trade-off to me. Throw a BEAMS in there and call it a day.

Help me. I’ve been stuck in a retro motorcycle obsession recently. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve been browsing Marketplace for BMW airheads, despite knowing that carburetors have hated my family for generations and have included me in their curse.

This GS650E may be carbureted, but you also likely don’t carry the same DaSilva curse. You also may benefit from the relative interchangeability of parts for four-cylinder Japanese bikes of the era, rather than trying to seek out parts for old BMWs. Have you seen what a clutch lever costs for an airhead? Screw this, I’m going back to looking for retro-modern Yamahas.

This Cherokee has seen better days. The seller claims this truck hit a deer, and while it runs and drives it may need some love to get back in perfect order. That’s OK, though, because this car shouldn’t be perfect. It should be lived in.

This photo doesn’t just capture the condition of the Cherokee — it actually does a pretty poor job of that, if we’re being honest — but it captures the spirit of this SUV. This photo somehow comes straight from the ’90s, with its blown out highlights and vague nostalgic haze over everything else. This is the feeling of a Briarwood.

I don’t have to sell you on this one, right? It’s an entire school bus for $5,200. Think about all the room you’ve got in there! This could be a camper, a mobile motorcycle garage, a landing pad for helicopters — whatever you dream can be made real.

What kind of condition is this bus in, for such a low price? Better than you’d expect, according to the seller. Rust is “extremely minimal” and it drives “excellently.” The seller also says it handles excellently, and that sounds like a lie even about the newest school bus. It’s still a bus.

The seller of this Camaro says he’s open to trades, specifically “other chevy vehicles (2007 or older trucks and suvs, or mainly 90s trucks). No gas savers.” You look at this lineup of vehicles, and tell me this man has thought once about how much he’s spending to fuel up his fleet.

The Camaro itself might be the most fuel-efficient car in the fleet, which isn’t saying much. It’s not the most oil and antifreeze efficient, given that those are both leaking, but who needs those, right? You’ve got a V8 under the hood making beautiful noises.

I know, I know, it’s expensive and impractical, but hear me out. You get a bunch of these Peterbilts, I’m talking fifteen or so, and you use them for a heist. There’s all that gold in the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, and that under-construction water tunnel, and that warehouse you’ve got access to in Quebec — you see the plan coming together, right?

The only issue is the pesky NYPD, but maybe you can distract them through some sort of children’s game. Focus it on that cop who killed your brother back at Nakatomi, but ensure it ropes every officer into a wild goose chase across the city. You got this.

In addition to my vintage-modern motorcycle obsession, I’ve gotten more and more interested in these jet age cars. That two tone paint, the fins out the rear, the sheer amount and complexity of glass in the cabin — how could you not love it?

This Coronet also brings me to another point about automotive design, something this car has absolutely mastered and no one else has figured out: Why aren’t we color-matching our tires? Science, get on this. Make a car that looks as good as this old Dodge, and give it tires to match.

I present to you: An Motorcycle. Just a V-twin engine and a couple seats. Sure, it’s got some style — high-rise bars, studded saddlebags, real early-aughts cruiser stuff — but there are a million other bikes like it. What’s special about this one?

Well, you can have it. It’s $1,500, and it’ll cart you around happily through all the changing leaves. This is motorcycling, and it’s motorcycling you can have without breaking the bank. You should at least give it a try.

Hell yes, a Jimny. I think every Jimny I’ve ever seen on Marketplace has found its way into these slides, and I promise you that trend isn’t slowing down any time soon. Why, you ask? Because it’s a tiny off-roader with a turbo three-cylinder engine.

That’s a perfect vehicle layout right there. Offroad capability without the need to intimidate everyone around you as you roll up to the Dick’s Sporting Goods next to the Cheesecake Factory. Honest ’froading, a happy little truck that’ll cart you up trails and paths without complaint. This is your friend.

This is a weird one, friends. It’s a Kubelwagen, not a Thing, and the seller claims the whole body is a fiberglass kit from the late ’70s or early ’80s. Underneath all that, it’s not even a Type 82 chassis — it’s a 1968 Bug.

Weird, however, is good. This is a car with a story, and we love those around here. This Kubelwagen has seen things, been modified, it has a story and you get to uncover what that tale is. Isn’t that more fun than some normal, gray car?

I love when cars are modified to cosplay other cars. This is, in all objective ways, a Mitubishi 3000GT — one with plenty of aftermarket parts, sure, but it’s still got that all-wheel-drive system and that twin-turbo V6. Yet, you look at that widebody, that wing, that heckblende, and you tell me this isn’t owned by someone who wants an NSX.

I’m fully serious when I say I love this. A first-gen NSX is unattainable, and in my power-steering-free experience they’re not all that great to drive anyway. Why not take the things you like about the car you can’t have, and add them to the car you do? We should all act more like this.